Monday 27 February 2012

How early is too early?


"I'm tired of having boyfriends, I wanna get married by December this year either by hook or crook. I don't wanna start having children in my old age!" <----This is what my 22-year old friend was telling me this evening while we were having our constant argument about marrying too early. Ever since I could remember, I've never been a fan of getting married on time and as I grew older, I've only gotten more terrified of the idea. Of course, I admire young couples who actually know what they're doing(or act like they know what they're doing) but this occurs like in 1 out of 10 couples.

As I grew older, what terrified me the most was the fact that I actually thought I was "In Love" with my past boyfriends and always wished for whatever we had to remain permanent. It terrified me to think that I was going to accept feeling the way those 'ex-es' made me feeling simply because I didn't know that there were men who could make me feel so much better. My point is, we are constantly changing and the change occurs most in our late teens and early twenties and its a change you have to ride if you want any shot at finding that special person you'll spend forever with. The reason being that, you have to wait until the person you're going to be, basically forever, has set in. You'll have to wait until you've developed the traits, standards, ideologies you'll be keeping for a while. And that just hasn't happened yet when you're only 22! Oh, I know marrying young has worked for a lot of people but most times, these people were the eldest children in their families, which creates a different kind of dynamic in relationships. But, for a lot of people, marrying in their early 20s is a mistake and most times, they just hang on because of their kids.

Judging from all the people I know that got married too early, here's what scares me the most

Trouble Relating with Friends
One of the huge bonding moments for women is talking about relationships and their dating lives. Telling ridiculous stories of stalking a crush (._. ), complaining about boyfriends that don't pull their weight, crying over heartbreaks, etc. The problem here is that, if I marry really young, my friends will probably stop sharing these tales with me since I have none to share with them and because they'll feel these stories might sound silly to me, hence missing out on the bonding.

Becoming Attached to my Man in the Wrong Way
Three months into my marriage, maybe I'll realize I've made a huge mistake. Maybe I'll realize I could have been in a better relationship, or I could have enjoyed being single longer. But, I missed out (and still missing out) on those days. I get terrified. So, I cling onto my marriage like dear life itself, looking out at the world, shaking. Scared of what I might be without a husband.

Might end up resenting him or my children
It doesn't happen in all couples, but to most young couples: they give up on your dreams a little. Or, a lot. I might postpone applying to a grad school in America or even in Nigeria or turn down that Amazing job just cos I have a baby or my husband won't let me because he says I won't have as much time to cater for the family when in reality its because he can't stand the fact that my salary might be more than his. I find yourself skipping out on the experiences that could have made me grow. I prioritise a relationship at a time when I should have been prioritising my individual growth.

It might be just a few reasons but these reasons scare me more than anything else. In as much as I can't wait to have a lovely family and would want to be submissive to my husband, I don't think at 20 (or 22) I'm quite ready or willing to start a family.

However, there are a lot of people that might disagree with me. Let me emphasise here that these are my opinions based on young marriages I've seen. Heck, if any of my friends decide to seriously get married even at 19, I would give her my blessings and pray it works out well for her. Anyway, to each his own.

Have an Amazing week guys.
X

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4 comments:

Anonymous said...

i totally agree with this!

Anonymous said...

Daz d fact dia u cn alwyz if u decids 2:-)

Anonymous said...

I think you have a very interesting take on this "getting married early" issue. A lot of us (especially those of us who have a dream of pursuing a career) have your last point on our minds almost all the time. Having said that, I have seen young people get married and pursue their career and even support each other with the children, house chores and etc. I've learned the key is understanding and maturity; finding a man who understands you and your dream and who is mature enough to let you be an individual. In Nigeria, with the so-called African mentality" struggling to eat deep our modern men, that can be a difficult task but you can always find out by communicating your dreams/goals/aspirations and actually pursuing them before you hit the altar. That way you'll find out whether he's your husband material. Bless your soul.

Dee said...

Hi all,
I'm just seeing your comments on here. Sorry for not replying earlier. Anyway, i'm glad i'm not the only one who feels this way. ;)

Thanks for commenting.
X